Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
