Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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