I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.