its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
