If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
