I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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