she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
