Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
