none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
