My sheets look like a crime scene.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
