opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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