I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
