Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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