ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You need Xanax blowdarts
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
