dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
