After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
