A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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