Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
