I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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