You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
