I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
