It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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