3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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