your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
