Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
