Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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