Whod you bang
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
