my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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