Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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