Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize