So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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