Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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