Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
