Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
