I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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