so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
