i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
