Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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