My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
