Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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