porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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