it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
