before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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