I wannas sexs uuuuu
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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