I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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