Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
