She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
