her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
MIDGETS
????
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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