so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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