I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
