last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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