someone threw a dead crab at me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
