you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
