I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
