I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
