I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
