Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
