I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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