am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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