Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
