She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
