Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize