Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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