I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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