Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
