How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
