It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
