my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
